ambiguous perceptions*

kuku! >.< =/

2005-03-02T23:18:00.000+08:00

i have come to the conclusion that i can't take evening naps. seriously. coz' when i wake up, i get really irritable. every little thing pisses me off 10x. and i start to feel crappy. an if i'm crappy. how can i be conducive? arghhhhh stuuuupid hieu >.< piii gu! i don't like himmmmmmmm always have his stupid school stuff... kuku and he doesn't tell me till like the last minute... and it's so irritating. it's like... he should tell me earlier instead of right before he leave. IDIOT! -.- man so irritable now... =/ pigu la! kuku hieu i wanna slap him -.- kukukukukukukukukukukukuku!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE crap.!

updatin' finally o_0

2005-02-14T19:59:00.001+08:00

whoaaaa haven't been updating in a while... so many things have happened, chinese new years and stuff... hmm hieu came back on wednesday =) and i lasted =P chinese new years hasn't really been that great compared to previous years... my cousins and i drift apart as we get older... it was SO much fun in the past... it was aight this year, not bad =) i miss the good old days. i miss my childhood! i love my childhood days, now's pretty good too, i love hieu =) first month today, valentine's day =D lalala~ sent him an e-card. i'm not sure i sent it to the correct email addy? haha have to ask him later when he gets online! it seems kinda dumb now, coz' i think he's sending like a card, my e-card pales in comparision >.< someone ="/">

lalala~ i miss you =) and i love you =D

2005-02-07T01:43:00.000+08:00

lalala hieu's not gonna be online for a few days, till wednesday or thursday... started yesterday evening so i have to perservere =D oh wells, haha so far its been pretty good. yesterday i was locking myself in my room, listening to my mp3player and singing out loud haha. today it's alright =) luckily for me, the next few days' gonna be pretty packed, so i won't be thinking about him so much =) i love you hieu! =D

$(%&$%$#&%&

2005-02-05T09:56:00.000+08:00

okay i just saw something that got me totally pissed. i can't be bothered to quarrel now so let's blog it out hohoho.

sooo like hieu stayed up right. and freddy msged me so i was like o_O wth why is he awake... that's dumb. so like i called freddy... ask him ask hieu go sleep and hieu said freddy's like lying like how would i know he ain't sleeping right? so like freddy smsed me told me hieu say he lie blah blah. hieu was being dumb. as usual o_O so like i called freddy again, coz' like hieu's being mean, saying freddy's lying, so i was like tell hieu something so he'll know that freddy's not lying. and freddy is like, no i don't want to tell hieu. i told him to sleep le he don't want. he still call me liar. and i was like ok nevermind byebye and put down da phone. so what? i called freddy like twice? let me think... yea it's like twice?
is that alot? let's think... no.

and he puts in his blog i keep calling, it's like what the fuck is his fucking problem -_- and the worse thing is like he's saying i'm begging hieu to go to sleep? it's like hieu has school the next day, so obviously he needs sleep and like since i'm not coming home early... there ain't no point for him to stay up is it? like, freddy's fucking exaggerating the whole thing. like... so irritated. he's being a total prat. even on the phone i was like... wtf he throwing tantrum... forget it o_O. it's like argh i don't know, so many things, can't blog them out. it would be so so bad. hohoho.

anyways i guess i also shouldn't like rely on freddy, i know what to do now... so yea... hieu was being kuku also so well yea o_O.
aww man dave the barbarian is on... i wanna watch. cool beans! =D

hangin' out =)

2005-02-05T09:25:00.000+08:00

just woke up, tired dah.
went to siloso beach with tracie yesterday to tan, i got a little darker, a little sunburn on my face i think? but i got tanner so it's all good =D took pictures of us... and my photo angles suck. hers not much better hahaha. kept taking our flat boobs o_O it's cool that there were like so little people, no one to give us weird stares and whatever. oooh something embarrassing happened. it's like we were laying on our fronts to tan, and i turned to get smething and one side my bikini bottom string came undone and i was SO exposed, hahaha, luckily so little people, no one saw... ewww just imagine there were more people there o_O i would die of embarrassment! anyways, i had fun =) been long since i caught up with her... and i saw that biatch sofrie!!!!! lol. sexy pink shorts o_O woots soooo long since i met him, i miss him =/
after that went to orchard... with crap hair. i so have to go straight from home, if not my hair screws up! met eugene, chen wei and lynette. had sakae sushi. we cheated them out of one plate =) eugene was on a sushi rampage. chen wei and him took alot o_O the sushi was alright... we ordered ala carte... kept eating... i could have eaten more =D but it was all good... after that went to heeren to buy clothes coz' eugene needed chinese new year clothes... then neoprints... the machine was whack! time given was sooo short, couldn't choose fast enough >.< neoprint machines keep cheating our money. this ain't the first time haha =P
then headed home... reached home at 10? around there...

hieu said he waited for me the whole night(his night) which is just too sweet isn't it =/ he's so sweet it's almost a sin =x i doubted him at first, till he said he wasn't on conquer coz' his friend's laptop didn't have conquer. i thought he was playing with someone inside, mainly xiaoling =x anyways, i tried getting online in topshop to get him to sleep hahah and i got online! but everyone wanted to leave topshop, so basically i signed in and signed out there. that was dumb haha.

i wanna put pictures up, but i have to wait till tracie sends them to me... can't wait! =D
it was a fun day in all... it's all good =) enjoyed it thoroughly! =D

blogging da blues away... =/

2005-02-03T19:12:00.000+08:00

what a kuku day o_O
i don't care if you wanna know... i wanna blog it out. blog blog blog!

so let's start...
ok first i had CPM test, which went alright, i won't fail, prob get a B? 1 day of studying ;)
so after that, went to the library to do project, we didn't get far. we didn't really get anywhere as a matter of fact =x anyways, i was waiting for hieu to come online, but he came at 12.47, when we were supposed to meet at 12. but whadda heck yea? so anyways freddy started hinting him, coz'i was like flirting with this wayyyy cute brazilian guy online =x so he was like telling hieu better send candi your picture. and like hieu straight away msged me, why are you telling freddy to hint me? and i was like what the? ^.- i didn't even say nothing... like i was so pissed. ask freddy. why ask me? so he didn't really get the idea that i was mad. so he tried to make everything like normal? and i wasn't really in the mood. so after that, he talked about him drinking apple juice, that it tasted like apple and i was like, duh, that's dumb. what's it supposed to taste like? it's apple juice. you're like duh duh duh. and he got kinda pissed, he was like, why you being like that and i started with well coz' you accused me of something i didn't do in the first place, why did you even quesiton me before finding out from freddy first? it's like not fair? and it went on and he called me a jerk. that guy actually called me a JERK. he was all, you're being a jerk today, that's really annoying. and i just totally got wayyyyyyyy pissed. it's like whatever it is, you don't call me a jerk. nobody does. it's like, a jerk isn't even supposed to be used on girls. and he tells me he loves me? argh. it's like totally pissed the crap outta me. and i left. i told him fine ok i'm leaving bye and his reply? bye urgh.
urgh? i'm not staying for urgh. i just left. you don't give me respect. i don't give a damn. of all words, jerk. argh. i don't what's wrong, we keep quarrelling nowadays. =/ and come to think of it, maybe i overreacted a lil? anyways he really doesn't get it when i'm angry, i should let him know earlier? but that jerk word, it's too much -_- i'm not gonna apologise for anything. i never even called him a jerk... a jerk is like, you're being a bitch? but i think jerk is more offensive than bitch o_O maybe coz' i'm used to being called a bitch(in a friend-friend way). so i don't know? either way, he screwed it when he called me a jerk. pffft!
so after i left i went to eat, and get my medal for outstanding performace, i was the top student for my course BEM last semester =D yes i'm showing off. i just have this urge too. =) it's pretty cool. i'm gonna take a picture of it and put it in my blog =D
so after that, on to choa chu kang to make my ez link card... and i couldn't make it coz' i didnt have my ic i was so mad iw as swearing in front of the person. i didn't know i had to have ic, i thought just my student card was find. apparently not! waste my time -_- then freddy wanted to go find a t-shirt, so we went lot 1. i bought a new pair of slippers from converse, yay! i'm wearing it to go tanning with tracie tomorrow =D and after that, we headed for home... and the dumbest thing happened to me...
i took the wrong MRT train home. like i live in bishan, i should be taking the one to marina bay but nooo i took the one to jurong east. i was just so distracted i guess/ i just plain forgot... argh... wasted my life! i didn't even know till i reached jurong east and i was like o_O why's everyone getting out, and i followed them out, and i realised that that train was about to turn back and head to marina bay. but i had already gotten out, i was too embarrassed to go back in -_- so i waited for the next trainl. luckily i had my laptop and i borrowed freddy's earphones, so at least there was some music till ang mo kio, battery ran out =/
so i get home and my mom gave me an mp3 player by creative o_O coz' she said my headphones were spoilt. cool beans =) thanks mommy, i said that to her, but i'm just saying it in my blog again. she buys alot of stuff for me and i really have to start being nicer and more appreciative towards her! >.<>
ok so that's so far how my day went... the end. sigh.

OH YEAHHHH!!!! i chatted with Heiner(hot brazilian guy) this morning, his english is pretty poor, but he's cute, so what the heck eh? haha. he's nice. he wants to marry my char in the game, but i kinda quit? and anyways i'm married to hieu haha.
ohhh, and ling... argh i feel so bad... >.< weird ="x" color="#ff6666">
i'm screwed up inside... i am >.<

argh malware... argh! stupid %(&&(&%$(&%$#*$

2005-02-01T21:04:00.000+08:00

arghhhhhhhh, my lappy is infected with malware. pop-ups and stuff all coming out. i so need to reformat... but my mom lost the cd argh!!!! i don't have the cd to reformat arghhhhhhhhhhhhh so not a good day. stupid stupid stupid. curse curse curse! arghhh i have to go call up the company, and also make another ex-link card. argh the maid is so %*$)*%&^ how can my ex-link card just disappear. and worse thing is... i just made it like 1-2 weeks ago? ARGH!!! stupid stupid stupid. ahhhhhhh bsv test on thursday. what can i say? i am so screwed. haven't started studying.busy trying to get freaking malware outta my lappy. and the topics are like SO LONG! so many pages... 3-4x of CPM? argh. fail already!!! pffft. i need hieu now. waiting for him to come online hohoho. anyways... how did i get malware? wellllllllllllll argh >.<>

so vexed! =/

2005-01-30T23:40:00.000+08:00

AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! give me a place to scream out loud and let my emotions run free!!! any suggestions? HIEUUU if you were here you would get the biggest smacking from me, seriously. you just totally totally don't understand my needs and wants. i need lotsa attention. and what do you do? play co. is that game really sooo great, soooo important? do you even love me... you say you do but that's like jsut words. you don't convince me. you don't show it. wha tyou show me is that you don't really give a damn about this whole thing. maybe you do love me, but i'm not all that important. or maybe you're jsut plain dumb, you don't get what i mean, don't know what i want, don't know what i need. i'm feeling so scrwed up inside right now, all these mixed emotions. it's like, shoul di jsut let you go? coz' with each day, we're losing everything bit by bit... and the weird thing is... you don't seem to realise/acknowledge it. i'm the one whos thinking about all these stuff, so maybe i'm being over-sensitive, or i'm over-reacting? or both? but i don't think so. you're kinda reclusive, you don't give a damn about me much... if you have co everything's fine and dandy. when i need you most... you upset me. and what can is ay? whatever i say, youw ill jsut say sweet stuff- not stuff that keeps me satisfied, but stuff that keeps me happy for a moment... i need stuff that really answers to my needs, not a quick fix. now all the quick fix have jumped right up in front of me and they're slapping me so hard i'm falling. everything's just attacking me from all sides now. i'm reeling from the pain >.< (drama yes? that's just me. deal with it.) anyways... hieuuuu i really wanna talk to you about all these feelings pent up inside of me, but like each time i try, something goes wrong or you gtg or something. it's just real crap. you don't understand how much it's affecting me. on the other hand, i don't want you to think you've got the upper hand. like, i've thought of breaking up coz the pain is too much to take. i don't know how much longer i can take this before i fall to pieces. i really want you to listen and have a real heart-to-heart talk with me... convince me you love me. i've said this soooo many times. i really need something big from you now. really >.<

my left eye hurts o_0

2005-01-29T22:08:00.000+08:00

my left eye hurts now... like something inside but not? weird... hmmm... i wonder why? anyways... i think we're alright now :) he messaged me first when i went online in the morning =x yay? haha ok so today i went to take pictures of buildings for the project... and freddy was so showing attitude. it's like whateverrrr. coz i figured take more better and he was like -_-". sooo when i reached home talked to hieu awhile, went to sleep, woke up, talk to hieu, studied way little... hahaha so dead T_T i hope i remember the stuff man. don't fall outta my head till after monday!>.< pigu ="x">
from now on i have to sleep early. seriously. my face is breaking out >.<

i lay in bed
and think of you
the times we spent
the good, the bad.
i make a wish
a wish,
to be with you.
right by your side
that's where i'll stay
if ever there's a chance you come my way :)

10.30pm.

help! >.<

2005-01-28T23:27:00.000+08:00

ewww i think this is too red what colour should i use i have no idea with the html coding on this template... i have to rely on the font colours in the post ewww!!! someone help me! >.<>

treading on rough waters... WHY IS MY TITLE IN PINKISH RED >.<

2005-01-28T23:07:00.000+08:00

oooh first post... not a happy one pffft.

hmmm, i've been quarrelling with hieu these past few days... over trivial stuffs. not a good thing. i already spend so little time talking with him... it's just that, i don't know. maybe i'm over-sensitive. like now! i know i overreacted, but these few days he's been not very nice, and i just don't wanna give in anymore. i'm the one msging and talking to him, saying i'm sorry talk to me and stuff, that used to be him. i don't wanna be the one always giving in. this time i'm taking my stand. =/ he's leaving in 10 minutes... and he hasn't msged me. it's funny, i'm wrong, but just coz' he's been mean these few days, i don't want to give in. and the past few days i've been giving in. so yea... i'm stubborn now :) i miss that part of me. i am so not someone to push around -_- i don't even know what's happening now. we need to really talk about us and he's been avoiding that, i brought that up like twice and he said he got to go... twice. which wasn't an excuse but... argh. point is... i want him to convince me we can last. at the rate we're going... we don't have much to say. he doesn't wanna say anything nad when i say stuff, he's like... ok. like what the heck? pffft. i don't know what's going through his mind. someone help me? -_-" ooooh and i so need to see how he looks like! i think i'm pretty shallow. you can't be ugly =x well not ugly ugly. like average? i mean... everyone's like that no? :) ah. he's leaving. he's not msging me. he's determined to take this to the next level... kuku.!
oooh he left... and all he said was: bye im going to class
oooh this is bad. real bad. it's war. hmph.

what's going on...
let me into your world...
let me know you love me...
that i mean so much.